From the archives.

(Note: I recently remembered this story and I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations has expired, so..)

If I can say so myself, my coolness as a kid knew no bounds. I was largely ignored as a child (oh, boo hoo) which allowed me to get away with all kinds of shit. It was awesome. Flying under the radar has been my m.o. forever, but when I was 11 I began acting up to get attention. We had just moved after Ma remarried, and I was stuck with adjusting to a new school full of snooty shitheads in the middle of my 6th grade year.
One day I was being a dick in Mrs. VanGrinzven's class- I'm pretty sure I called her Mrs. Van Grizzly-bear to her face- and she dragged me down the hall by the ear to the principal's office. The principal was busy, so I had to sit and wait for the hammer to fall. I waited.. and waited until I realized.."Hey wait. I'm in the principal's office BY MYSELF!"
So, I did what any kid with balls the size of the planets would do- I started rifling through the drawers in the pricipal's desk. Well, right there in the top drawer was a stack of tickets for the Appleton Foxes minor-league baseball team! A whole stack! All general seating. Well, I helped myself to 5 of them, stuck them in my pocket and returned to my seat, nobody the wiser.
Now, I don't remember if I ever asked anyone else to go (I had no friends and probably just wanted to keep my mouth shut), or just wanted to cash in all the free hotdog and soda vouchers printed on the back of the tickets, but I somehow got a ride to and from the game and just sat there, by myself, not even at all interested in baseball, and ate 5 hotdogs and drank 5 sodas. At the age of 11, this was the equivelant of doing mental high-fives with God.
I don't have any kids, (allegedly) but I can't help but think that, if I had a son that pulled the same caper, I would first laugh, then cry because- hey, the kid's all growed up and ready to take on the whole fucking world and doesn't need ME anymore!